Tuesday, December 29, 2009


This is not an emotion I would ever like to admit to.
I’m not claiming to be one of those strong people who aren’t scared of anything. Of course I’m scared, of more things than one. For God’s sake, I’m even scared of the dark. But there is a difference between that, and what I’m feeling right now.
This emotion has hit me only recently. It had been a good year. With loads of extremely good things happening. I achieved what I wanted, I slogged for what I believed in, and I managed to do what I had set out for in the first place. And yet, in its own twisted way, each and every one of those things turned on me and took it all away.
The achievement is still there. The feeling of exhilaration, missing.
So please, someone, tell me, why should I still believe?
In age old sayings, like hard work pays off?
In my own personal choices?
In myself?
Why should I still work hard towards achieving what I want, when each day I manage to do something worse, and am continuously reminded of all that has gone wrong?
Yes, pessimistic post, but I can’t help it. If I was a pessimist before, I don’t even know how to describe my current disposition.
And worse still, I think I’ve started feeling it. Every second, minute and hour of the day…
As cowardly as it sounds…

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